Why God Doesn’t Accept Empty Apologies

This week, I stumbled upon a comment thread that made me pause. A man posted a video openly admitting he was living in sin. He wasn’t hiding it. He acknowledged that his feelings and actions were wrong, but then he went on to say that he’d confess it to his priest…and then admitted he planned to go right back to it afterward.

He had absolutely no desire to change. No intention of turning from his sin. Just a rinse and repeat cycle.

Underneath that video, someone commented:

“But isn’t that being a Christian? Just go to church on Sunday, ask for forgiveness, sin again, and ask again?”

That statement is honest. Too honest. It’s built on a deeply flawed understanding of what Scripture actually teaches.

And it’s born from the same heartbeat behind a common skeptical punchline:

“So you’re telling me a serial killer can murder people his whole life and still go to heaven if he asks for forgiveness one second before he dies?”

Both ideas come from the same assumption: That forgiveness is the whole deal. It’s the endgame. God loves you. God forgives. So just ask for forgiveness, and God will love you.

But that’s not Christianity. That’s a caricature and, dare I say, a mockery of Christianity.

Forgiveness vs. Repentance — Why the Difference Matters

People and most skeptics treat asking for forgiveness and repentance the same. They confuse the two of them together.

Sometimes people ask for forgiveness with zero intention of changing, just to soothe their conscience or convince themselves they’re “good with God.” This is where skeptics often confuse emotional regret and repentance.

Which is why this matters so much:

Asking for forgiveness frees the conscience, but repentance frees the soul.

Forgiveness can be a moment, but repentance is a direction. One can be hollow or performative, while the other reshapes who we are.

The Serial Killer Example — Where Skeptics Point and Scripture Pushes Back

Let’s go back to that serial killer example.

It’s actually a powerful thought experiment — because it reveals the real distinction.

A killer could, theoretically, say,

“I’m sorry — forgive me,”
a second before he does something horrific… or before he dies.

But here’s the truth:
Saying words is not repentance. It’s showmanship. Repentance is a turning of the heart.

Researchers have studied why people apologize, and found that some apologies are motivated by personal expedience rather than true remorse — meaning the person apologizes because it helps their own perception, not because they genuinely regret the harm done.

In a published 2019 study in the Journal of Organizational Behavior, Dr Ramona Bobocel of the University of Waterloo concludes:

“Apologizing due to self-blame, relational value, or personal expedience increases perceptions of victim forgiveness,” even when those motives aren’t tied to sorrow for the wrongdoing itself.”

The research indicated that in more than 59% of cases studied, the primary motivation for seeking forgiveness was self-preservation—relieving personal guilt or protecting one’s self-image—rather than genuine remorse or recognition of wrongdoing.

This lines up with the idea that someone can ask for forgiveness just to feel forgiven and not because they truly want to turn from the harm they’ve caused.

But this leaves us with an unescapable question. Is a genuine deathbed repentance possible?
Yes, but a cheap apology — whether from a criminal, a churchgoer, or any one of us — is not repentance at all. True repentance would involve a breaking of the heart, a turning from sin internally, and a turning toward God, even if there’s no time left to show fruit outwardly.

Someone muttering the words “Forgive me” just to cleanse their own conscience or because they want to avoid the consequences of their actions and get a quick pass into heaven is mocking the very grace that was offered to them their entire life.

It’s the same logic as:

“Remove my guilt — but let me keep my sin.”

And the Bible makes clear that a sinner cannot stand in the presence of God with nothing but their own good works to offer Him without being consumed.

Why “Sorry” Isn’t Always Sincere

A killer could ask his victim for forgiveness right before harming them, and psychology (and we) would rightfully recognize this action as an attempt to free the conscience of guilt. We know that this would not be true repentance or remorse because true repentance or remorse would stop the action from happening.

Yet, we justify this same behavior with God over and over again.

We show sorrow over the consequences of our sin or the uncomfortable weight of guilt. We want freedom from our feelings, not our sin. We don’t care for the relationship that we’ve broken or the heart that we’ve hurt or grieved. We don’t recognize our actions as wrong; we recognize the feelings we feel as uncomfortable.

That’s not repentance. It’s manipulation. Plain and simple.

A Problem as Old as Christianity

This isn’t a new concept. In fact, the early church was faced with confronting this mindset right away.

Paul would write in Romans:

“Should we keep sinning so grace may abound? Absolutely not.” — Romans 6:1–2

Grace is not and was never meant to be a loophole. It’s not a “get out of jail free” card. It’s a complete and utter rescue.

James would expound further on this and add:

“Faith without works is dead.” — James 2:17

James wasn’t teaching perfectionism or earning salvation. What James was trying to convey is that real faith eventually shows up in real life. This means that real faith should always change us. Fake faith just plays games and gives the illusion of change.

Proverbs 1:23–29 is painfully blunt.

It describes people who ignore God’s wisdom, reject correction, and keep doing whatever they want. But when everything collapses and they finally cry out, God laughs — not because He enjoys their suffering, but because He refuses to be used.

23 Come and listen to my counsel. I’ll share my heart with you and make you wise. 24 “I called you so often, but you wouldn’t come.
I reached out to you, but you paid no attention. 25 You ignored my advice and rejected the correction I offered. 26 So I will laugh when you are in trouble! I will mock you when disaster overtakes you! 27 when calamity overtakes you like a storm, when disaster engulfs you like a cyclone, and anguish and distress overwhelm you. 28 “When they cry for help, I will not answer. Though they anxiously search for me, they will not find me. 29 For they hated knowledge and chose not to fear the Lord.

In modern words:

“You wanted forgiveness — you didn’t want Me.”

The Real Shape of Following Jesus

The Christian life is not: sin → say “I’m sorry” → repeat.

It is: fall → confess → turn and grow.

Sometimes slowly. Sometimes painfully. Sometimes with steps forward and steps back. But the heart is pointed toward Jesus — not toward sin.

And here’s the good news! God meets us right where we are — even on a deathbed. But He never leaves us there.

Forgiveness lifts guilt. Repentance leads us into freedom.

Grace doesn’t hand us permission to stay unchanged — it invites us to become new.

Because at the end of the day, the God who clears the conscience is the God who frees the soul.